WAKING UP
© Cary Cook 2002
| CAST: | two middle aged men SELF dressed in gray casual clothes OTHER dressed in a hooded black monk robe |
| SET: | Stage is blank except for a board center stage tilted upstage on a 30 degree angle from perpendicular. SELF is standing/reclining against the board. SELF remains with arms at sides, rigid from neck down thruout. OTHER stands in semi-darkness behind self. OTHER can walk around as director chooses. |
| AT RISE: | A spotlight slowly illuminates SELF. This spotlight is the only light used thruout. SELF awakens groggily. |
SELF
Now what? [pause] Is anybody there? [pause]
Is anything anywhere?
OTHER
How are you? [pause] I said, how are you?
SELF
Lousy.
OTHER
Aww… Why do you always say that?
SELF
Why do you always ask that?
OTHER
It's polite.
SELF
You're an idiot.
OTHER
Do you want me to go away?
SELF
Is there anybody else out there?
OTHER
Only more idiots.
SELF
Oh… I remember this. It's that dream again.
Why are we doing this again?
OTHER
You asked for it.
SELF
I didn't ask for this.
OTHER
You asked for answers.
SELF
You have answers?
OTHER
Some.
SELF
Why is it like this?
OTHER
Like what?
SELF
This. This nothing. Shouldn't there be something?
OTHER
What would you like there to be?
SELF
Something!
OTHER
What?
SELF
Some reason.
OTHER
For God so loved the world
SELF
Don't give me that.
OTHER
What would you prefer?
SELF
Sense. Make sense or don't bother me.
OTHER
What would make sense to you?
SELF
I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.
OTHER
Apparently you don't like my answer.
SELF
Because it doesn't make sense. God so loved the world that He'll roast your ass in hell if you don't believe in Jesus?
Gimme a break.
OTHER
That's not how it goes.
SELF
That is how it goes. Read the fucking book. And I'm supposed to respect this guy? If It's false, he's a liar; if it's true, he's even worse.
OTHER
And you think the world would be a better place without that lie?
SELF
You admit it's a lie?
OTHER
No. I'm just asking if you think it's socially beneficial?
SELF
Screw that! Is it a lie or not?
OTHER
I said I had some answers.
SELF
Right. The easy ones.
OTHER
And you think you can handle the hard ones?
SELF
I can handle that one.
OTHER
Yes, you can. [softly] But you can't be trusted with it. You're a blabber mouth.
SELF
In other words, you have something to hide.
OTHER
I know you don't believe in parental controls. But the fact is, some people are not ready to deal with some pieces of information. It's not an adult conspiracy. It's really for the protection of the children.
SELF
Yeah right. That and national security.
OTHER
It's an easily abused argument. But we're all stuck with it. All of us.
SELF
What? All the way up the line?
OTHER
As far up as I'm aware of.
SELF
Doesn't that tend to make you a bit suspicious?
OTHER
The just shall live by faith.
SELF
Wrong! The just live by justice. Faith has nothing to do with it. You morons keep mushing the categories together.
OTHER
Why do the just behave justly? Huh?
Because they have faith that it will pay off.
SELF
Oh. … Well then why didn't they just say that?
OTHER
Unfortunately, they didn't have you to advise them.
SELF
Okay, but you're saying there's information being withheld from you, and you don't care. And you're holding out on us, and you want us to hold out on the kiddies?
OTHER
It's not exactly holding out.
Just revealing things in the right order.
SELF
But what it boils down to is, you're censoring me,
and telling me it's for my own good.
OTHER
More specifically, for the good of those around you.
SELF
I don't buy it.
OTHER
Okay. Then I assume you think you don't need such protection. Unlike the rest of us mental midgets, you can handle any truth that's out there.
SELF
I'm trying.
OTHER
Yes, you are. How are you doing? How are you feeling? How is it going? How are you? Why do you hate that question? Why don't you just say, "Fine thank you. How are you?" You're a miserable… neurotic… truth junkie. And you've O D'd.
SELF
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
OTHER
Oh, that part you believe.
SELF
It resonates.
OTHER
But the parts about patience and humility are just pious ramblings.
SELF
I been patient long enough! And screw humility. It's not even a virtue; it's a social ploy to hide what you really think. I do integrity. That's a virtue.
OTHER
You do arrogance.
SELF
Yes, and without apology. But I'm really big on integrity.
Is there anyone in your crowd who even knows what that word means?
OTHER
You'd be surprised.
SELF
Yeah, well surprise me any time you like. Meanwhile, if you don't mind, I'd like to get the true and false part straight before we talk about attitudes.
OTHER
Okay. Don't say we didn't warn you. There is a certain order to the way things should be learned. If you learn things in the wrong order, it can mess you up. There's also an optimum rate of intake. You've been an indiscriminate glutton, and now you're reaping the results of it. But, if you want more, just say so.
SELF
Damn, I hate this shit.
OTHER
We're not exactly thrilled with you either.
You know, you can always go back to being an atheist.
SELF
I wish.
OTHER
Do you really?
SELF
Yes, goddamnit! It was better than this.
OTHER
Then go ahead.
SELF
I can't. [pause] I know too much.
OTHER
And now you want to know more, don't you?
SELF
Yes.
OTHER
If you can't handle what you know,
why do you want to know more?
SELF
I don't know.
OTHER
But you want to know, don't you?
SELF
Stop it!
OTHER
I'd be glad to. Stop asking questions.
SELF
What about, "Seek and you shall find"?
OTHER
You found it. Have a nice day.
SELF
What!?
OTHER
There's nothing more to find in the places you've been looking.
SELF
Well, where the hell should I look?
OTHER
Nowhere. Stop looking. Enjoy what's available.
Go do your precious American dream.
SELF
You cheating bastard! First you say, "Don't worry about money, just seek first the kingdom of God," so I waste my life on it, and there's nothing there. And then you say,
go chase dollars, have kids, and pass on the crazy to another generation of poor dumb suckers.
OTHER
You could always go back to patience and humility.
SELF
I did that for decades. It damn near wrecked my nerves.
OTHER
Ready for death?
SELF
Duuh!
OTHER
So you think you're ready for the next step?
SELF
Don't you give me that next step shit. I don't want any next. You terminate my ass, goddamn it!
OTHER
We would really prefer not to do that.
SELF
I don't care.
[OTHER steps into the light where SELF can see him.]
OTHER
But we do. That's why I'm here.
SELF
Protecting your investment?
OTHER
Among other things.
SELF
Who are you?
OTHER
Does it matter?
SELF
It might. You God?
OTHER
No.
SELF
Sent by God?
OTHER
If I said yes, would it make any difference?
SELF
Not really.
OTHER
Then it doesn't matter, does it?
SELF
I don't know. You tell me.
OTHER
Are you willing to pay the price of knowing?
SELF
God damn you!
OTHER
You'd like to kill me, wouldn't you?
SELF
Yes.
OTHER
Why don't you?
SELF
You untie me, and I'll give it a try.
OTHER
You're not tied.
SELF
I can't move.
OTHER
True. But you're not tied.
SELF
You're doing this.
OTHER
It really doesn't matter who is doing it. The point is, if you were not bound, you would try to kill us. You're a very dangerous animal. Still, you have the potential to be of great value. Does that begin to make sense?
SELF
Some. But nowhere near enough.
OTHER
How about this? Your life sucks because you can't do what you were designed to do. You can't do what you were designed to do because you are under restraints, because if you were not restrained, you would do, or at least say, destructive things. Also, if you recall, you asked for our guidance.
Does that make enough sense for you?
SELF
Well isn't there some way to do this that doesn't drive me crazy?
OTHER
You are not being driven crazy. You are being driven sane.
That's the whole point.
SELF
For what purpose?
[OTHER raises his eyebrows.]
Shit.
OTHER
Oh come now. Is Christianity really so hard to handle?
SELF
Yes, goddamnit! It's full of bullshit.
OTHER
Then why did you choose it?
SELF
[sigh] It comes closer than anything else out there.
OTHER
Then think of it as a game of horseshoes.
SELF
Oh fuck you!
OTHER
Well seriously folks, if you can't handle the truth,
what do you expect us to do?
SELF
I would expect you to either make me able to handle it,
or terminate my goddamn existence!
OTHER
We're working on that.
SELF
Which?
OTHER
Making you able to handle it. And in case you haven't noticed, we're making progress.
SELF
Great. So you beat the shit out of my brain, so I can live forever in idiots' heaven with a bunch of fucking assholes.
OTHER
There are plenty of intelligent people on our side.
Some of them even understand critical thinking.
SELF
I know. I've met them.
Spin doctors, sell outs, and sycophants.
OTHER
At least they're logical.
SELF
Sure, if you buy their premises. Garbage in; garbage out.
OTHER
If you wanted to communicate ultimate reality to the human race, would you not dumb it down? [pause] And if you finally came up with a system that works, flawed as it may be, would you not try to preserve it from loose cannons who think they have a divine mandate to point out how dumb it is? [pause] Especially when they have no alternative to offer?
SELF
The system is overdue for an upgrade.
OTHER
Would you like a piece of that?
SELF
What?
OTHER
I said, would you like a piece of that?
SELF
What do you mean?
OTHER
Like you haven't thought about it.
SELF
What? You mean write some counter bullshit like Muhammad
or Joseph Smith?
OTHER
Oh, you know that to be bullshit, do you?
SELF
Well some of it has to be bullshit.
OTHER
But you don’t know which, do you? And you don’t claim to know what you don’t know, do you? [pause] Because then you’re just like all the rest of them, aren’t you? And then you can’t despise them, can you? [pause] Let’s talk about system upgrades. Not creating another counter-system, but taking what's already there, and making sense of it.
SELF
Like Rudy Bultmann? That's been done too.
After you make sense of it, there's no reason to believe it.
OTHER
Isn't there? Are you sure you've made enough sense?
SELF
[pause] What kind of sense are you talking about?
OTHER
There has been a sea change. Obedience to God used to be seen as the right way to go. Now that whole concept has taken a big hit. But it's still true, simply because atheism offers no justification for ethics. Unfortunately, the written word has been allowed to supersede your God-given sense of justice and morality. And we need to cut thru all that "My written word is better than your written word" hogwash, because any written word, taken to its logical conclusion, is illogical to say the least.
SELF
What then? The pope?
OTHER
Heh. Good one.
No seriously, you're about ready for direct communication.
SELF
Oh, I get ya.
I'm supposed to listen to you, and you'll keep me straight.
OTHER
Thank you. That's flattering, but actually that sort of thing can lead to the same pitfalls. The fact is,
your planet is ready for common sense morality.
SELF
Common sense?
OTHER
Yes. You have written-word whacos, and voice-in-the-head whacos, but there are no common sense whacos.
Unlike the written word, common sense changes with the times,
and unlike voices in the head, you don't have to worry about where it's coming from.
SELF
Then why didn’t you put us onto it centuries ago?
OTHER
Because it only works in a democracy.
SELF
Oh bullshit.
OTHER
I’m serious. When people live under a despotic government, the majority tend to let it make their moral decisions for them. When they elect their rulers, they have to make moral judgments.
SELF
Athens was a democracy. But it wasn’t known for morality.
OTHER
No, but it was known for innovative thinking. Unfortunately the majority still voted for Zeus, and Zeus was amoral. First you need voters who care about morality. Then you can trust them to figure out what exactly is moral.
SELF
Yeah but why do we need God for that?
OTHER
Well, operationally you don't, but technically it is a God given faculty, and you still need the old fear of Judgment Day for motivation. Without that, you're pigs.
So. You want to help us?
SELF
[pause] What would it require?
OTHER
The kind of stuff you're good at. But it would also require a lot of restraint. We need an upgrade, not a virus.
SELF
What's in it for me?
[LIGHT begins to dim.]
OTHER
Hold that thought.
SELF
What? Wait a minute. Oh no. I'm waking up, aren't I?
OTHER
Yes, you are.
SELF
Shit.
Blackout
Just for the record, I never had a dream like this.