SANITY
©Cary Cook 2000
| CAST: | DOCTOR: age 40 - 60, always calm & composed until 2nd to last page BOB: man age 20 - 40 |
| SET: | A psychiatrist's office. Desk, comortable chair, table with coffee maker. |
| AT RISE: | DOCTOR is sitting at his/her desk, doing paper work. BOB, the patient, enters, stops and looks at the audience, slightly surprised. |
DOCTOR
Hi Bob. Be with you in a minute. Have a cup of coffee.
[BOB is totally aware of all audience reaction. Somewhat worried, BOB walks to the coffee stand and picks up the transparent pot from the coffee maker.]
DOCTOR
Gotta get this AMA report in the mail today.
[BOB and the audience can see that the coffee pot is empty. He lowers it to his side while looking at the audience.]
DOCTOR
Bob! You're spilling it! The coffee; you're spilling it.
BOB
Oh! Sorry.
[BOB picks up a styrofoam cup and pours some non-existent coffee into it, then puts the pot back down on the coffee maker. He sniffs the cup, walks to the patient chair, and sits as DOCTOR finishes his lines.]
DOCTOR
Anyway, I would have had this report ready a week ago, but they changed some of the procedures, and didn't make it clear. They're about as efficient as the IRS. So how's the week been?
BOB
'Bout the same.
DOCTOR
Any more episodes?
BOB
Aren't you gonna turn the recorder on first?
DOCTOR
Oh. Okay. [turns on a tape recorder] You in a hurry?
BOB
No, but uh… I can tell right now it's gonna get relevant quick.
DOCTOR
Bob Johnson, session, uh… seven. So… tell me about your week.
BOB
[deep breath] I had one episode on Saturday and two on Wednesday. The rest has been pretty straight… till now.
DOCTOR
Now? You mean today?
BOB
I mean right now.
DOCTOR
You're having one right now?
BOB
Yeah.
DOCTOR
Bad one?
BOB
Really vivid.
DOCTOR
What can you tell me about it?
BOB
It's like I'm on this stage, and the whole office is like a theater.
DOCTOR
Movie theater?
BOB
No. More like a play.
DOCTOR
Describe it.
BOB
[Bob is about to describe the theater. His next lines must be modified so as to accurately represent the theater at the time of the play.]
Bright lights all over the place. Furniture looks cheesy. I can’t even smell the coffee. The walls are totally gone. People looking right thru 'em.
DOCTOR
You have the feeling people are watching you?
BOB
Yeah.
DOCTOR
A lot of people?
BOB
About _____.
DOCTOR
So you can see them?
BOB
Yeah.
DOCTOR
Do you recognize any of them?
BOB
No.
DOCTOR
Take a close look. Are your parents there?
BOB
No.
DOCTOR
How about policemen, judges?
BOB
No.
DOCTOR
Authority figures of any kind?
BOB
No, just a bunch of ordinary looking people.
DOCTOR
Are any of them trying to communicate with you?
BOB
No, just watching.
DOCTOR
Why do you think they're watching you?
BOB
I don't know. They seem to be waiting for something.
DOCTOR
What?
BOB
How should I know?
DOCTOR
Concentrate. What are the people waiting for?
BOB
I think they want some kind of … punch line.
[If audience laughs] Yeah, that was it. They were definitely waiting for a punch line.
DOCTOR
Why do you think they want[ed] a punch line?
BOB
They seem to want it to be a comedy.
DOCTOR
What?
BOB
The play.
DOCTOR
Oh… so feel like you're in a play. Am I in it?
BOB
Yeah.
DOCTOR
What's my role?
BOB
You play a damn psychiatrist! What the hell do you think your role is?
DOCTOR
Oh, of course. Sorry. Now, you said something I find very interesting. You said "they want it to be a comedy."
Why do they want it to be a comedy?
BOB
That's a good question. That's a damn good question.
I don't know.
DOCTOR
Do you feel that they wouldn't accept you as a serious
uh … character?
BOB
They might have a bit of a problem with it.
DOCTOR
Why?
BOB
I don't know.
DOCTOR
Do you feel like people don't take you seriously?
BOB
I don't think that's it.
Actually I don't think it has much to do with me.
DOCTOR
What does it have to do with?
BOB
Situation I guess. I think they figure something like this
is supposed to be funny.
DOCTOR
Are you fully clothed?
BOB
Yes I'm fully clothed!
DOCTOR
But you feel like you're an object for other people's entertainment.
BOB
Yeah, I guess that's what it's trying to tell me.
DOCTOR
"Trying to tell you"? So you think your hallucination is trying to tell you something?
BOB
Well isn't that how we're supposed to interpret these things?
DOCTOR
That's a bit Jungian, … but maybe. Let's pursue it. What do you think they want?
BOB
They seem to want to be entertained.
DOCTOR
Do you think it's telling you that in order to have value
as a person, you have to entertain other people.
BOB
Could be.
DOCTOR
If that's what it's saying, do you agree with it?
BOB
[pause] No. I don't have to take that.
DOCTOR
Very good. Now. Tell that to your illusion.
BOB
You mean…
DOCTOR
Tell your illusion that your self esteem is not in any way dependent on its approval.
BOB
You hear that? I do not need your approval.
[*****Next line depends on audience reaction.*****]
What do you do when your illusion just stares at you?
What do you do when your illusion laughs at you?
What do you do when your illusion laughs at you?
DOCTOR
I think in this case the best strategy would be to ignore it.
BOB
Right. [Focuses attention on Doctor]
DOCTOR
These illusions of yours are not threatening;
they're just distracting. Right?
BOB
Right.
DOCTOR
If you don't allow them to distract you,
that's half the battle.
BOB
Right.
DOCTOR
All that remains is to determine what causes them,
and eliminate the cause.
BOB
Right.
DOCTOR
Now it seems to me that these illusions don't represent any particular persons or parts of your psyche, but the public in general. Is that reasonable?
BOB
Right.
DOCTOR
So the question is, why would your mind create the illusion of the public peeking into your private life and laughing at you?
BOB
Right, right, right, right.
DOCTOR
When the episodes began, were there any changes in your life which might be considered embarrassing?
BOB
Uh… you know actually they hardly ever laugh. They just kinda hang around. This is the first time with any serious laughing.
DOCTOR
Did you not say that you stopped dating shortly before the episodes began?
BOB
That depends on how you define date.
DOCTOR
I'd like to focus specifically on sexual activity.
[BOB responds to audience reaction or lack of it.]
DOCTOR
Bob?
BOB
What?
DOCTOR
Does that subject make you …
BOB
No! Why should it? [to audience] I'm a normal guy.
DOCTOR
Bob. … I'm over here. Is it fair to say that your sexual activity suffered a sharp decline right about the time the episodes began?
BOB
Well wouldn't yours if you had spectators popping out of
the wall paper?
DOCTOR
I'm wondering if you might be mixing up cause and effect. It's not uncommon for male potency to decline even as early as one's twenties.
BOB
Hey, I can tell you flat out, you are on the wrong track.
I have no problems in that area. Besides, who made you the judge of sexual normalcy? A lot of people think it's immoral to be sticking it all over the place.
DOCTOR
Morality and normalcy are two separate issues, Bob.
Let's try not to confuse categories. Psychotherapy is only qualified to speak on normalcy.
BOB
Yeah well, I'm not so sure normalcy is always the best way to go.
DOCTOR
Quite correct. Many people find it terribly restrictive.
BOB
Goddamnit! How come you guys always think restrictive is bad? Maybe some restrictions are good for society.
DOCTOR
What's good for society is once again a moral issue, Bob. Psychotherapy deals with individuals.
BOB
Well, maybe individuals would be better off with more restrictions.
DOCTOR
Some are. Some people can only be comfortable in a restrictive environment … especially people of a religious temperament.
BOB
No, I can see where this is going.
This has nothing to do with my conversion.
DOCTOR
So you've stated in previous sessions. But you also said that the episodes began shortly after you converted to Christianity.
[pause BOB scans the audience.]
DOCTOR
What's going on?
BOB
Probably nothing. It just seemed like the audience tensed up when you said Christianity.
DOCTOR
Interesting. And why would they do that?
BOB
Let's not play the "why" game, okay.
I don't know why other people do things.
DOCTOR
That's not the question, Bob. The question is why your mind would create the illusion of people doing certain things.
If the mention of Christianity causes tension in your illusion, one might ask if it also causes tension in you.
BOB
Yes, it does. I've already told you that.
DOCTOR
So let's put things in perspective. You turn Christian;
you stop dating; you start having hallucinations of people watching you.
BOB
That's a bit oversimplified.
DOCTOR
But essentially correct, right? [pause] Tell me, Bob,
do you think sex outside of marriage is immoral?
BOB
Well, the Bible says…
DOCTOR
Bob, that's not the question. I asked you what you think.
BOB
I don't see anything particularly wrong with it, as long as you use protection … and it's not violating some contractual agreement.
DOCTOR
Then we've apparently identified the source of the tension.
BOB
"The" source? Goddamn, you shrinks oversimplify things. Soon as you trace it to sex, you think that's the core issue. Okay, I disagree with the Bible on sexual restrictions, but it's not the main issue. I have a lot of problems with Christianity.
DOCTOR
For instance?
BOB
I don't really feel comfortable talking about that.
DOCTOR
Maybe you would feel more comfortable with a Christian psychotherapist.
BOB
Yes frankly, I would, but unfortunately they referred me to you.
DOCTOR
How 'bout that. And why did they refer you to me?
BOB
Damned if I know.
DOCTOR
Quite simply because I'm the best.
BOB
Best in the area for my particular problem is what they said.
DOCTOR
Because they couldn't deal with your particular problem, because their religious bias hampered their objectivity.
BOB
And I suppose your anti-religious bias is more objective.
DOCTOR
I'm not anti-religious at all. I highly approve of religion.
It works very well for a lot of people.
BOB
"Works." You mean it helps them walk around looking normal.
DOCTOR
In most cases.
BOB
Any religion, long as it works?
DOCTOR
Different strokes…
BOB
For different morons.
DOCTOR
I'm not the one making value judgments here, Bob.
BOB
Do you make any judgments at all?
Like what's true and what's false?
DOCTOR
What works is true; what doesn't work is false. That is all we know in psychotherapy, and all we need to know.
BOB
So truth is whatever bullshit gets the desired results.
DOCTOR
[sighs] Religions provide structures whereby experience can be filtered and interpreted to fit into a time honored system.
Usually I encourage patients to stay in whatever religion they walk in with. In your case, however, religion - at least the one you've chosen - doesn't seem to be working for you. And we're going to have to address that.
BOB
Yeah, I know, but not today.
DOCTOR
We can take ten more sessions, or do it now. It's your dime.
BOB
Not right now, okay.
DOCTOR
As you wish, but I assure you, I'm quite competent to deal with religious problems. [pause] Oh! I get it. It's not me at all is it? It's your audience. So you feel that they would disapprove. Does their approval actually matter that much? … What are they? … Angels?
BOB
I don't know what they are, Goddamn it! That's the problem!
Angels, ghosts, Martians? I'm not sure they even know what they are.
DOCTOR
Demons?
BOB
No, they're not demons.
DOCTOR
How do you know?
BOB
A long time ago I commanded 'em to depart in the name of Jesus Christ, and it didn't work.
DOCTOR
Oh … of course.
BOB
Well, let me clarify that. I commanded 'em to depart if they were demons, or harmful spirits, or whatever.
DOCTOR
Oh. So then if they don't depart,
you figure they're okay with Jesus.
BOB
Yeah.
DOCTOR
But you don't feel comfortable talking about Christianity in front of them?
BOB
Well look; try to understand this, Doc. I'm not your normal Christian, okay. I mean, I read the Bible - study the hell out of it, but I don't go to church. I can't stand church people.
DOCTOR
Not hard to understand.
BOB
Yeah but, it's not the hypocrisy. Everybody automatically thinks that, but it's not. I can cross off the hypocrites. It's the real ones I have trouble with. It's all these really nice friendly people that are just totally full of shit up to their eyes. You ever watch Christian television? That's not just lunatic fringe. They're all off in that direction, with the gay bashing and the no abortion or evolution or saying fuck. [looks at audience] Do you feel that?
Do you feel the vibes they're giving me?
[DOCTOR shrugs "No"]
I'm not even totally sure I'm a Christian at all. There's a lot of it I don't agree with. Know what I mean? And I've found that when I start talking real in front of these … spectators, they get uptight about it. Like sometimes they laugh. But even though they laugh, I can tell they're still nervous about what I'm saying. It's like they can only handle stuff they're used to, and if you cross the line, they don't know what to do with you. Like right now I can tell I'm making them nervous. They thought they knew what was going on, but now they're not sure.
DOCTOR
What happens if they get nervous?
BOB
I don't know. I've been afraid to find out. Maybe there's angel critics out there, and they tell God, and I get a bad review.
DOCTOR
So you're afraid God won't like you if you say what you really think?
BOB
Yes! Isn't everybody? I can barely get away with it in private. But in front of an audience?
DOCTOR
You actually think God sent them here to intimidate you?
BOB
Maybe.
DOCTOR
So the same God who created you doesn't want you saying
what you really think?
BOB
Not when it's complaintive. There's lots of stuff in the Bible about how God gets pissed if people complain. And it says you're supposed to praise him all the time, and all that horse shit, whether you mean it or not. You've read that stuff, haven't you?
DOCTOR
I'm familiar with it.
BOB
And it makes me wonder what kind of people he's got working for him, you know? Like in the book of Revelation there's these weird looking guys that stand around his throne going "holy holy holy" all the time day and night round the clock. And I'm wondering, is that all these guys do, or they shift workers, or what? And why are they doing it? Do they like doing that? Are they getting paid? Or are they afraid not to do it? And what kind of a God would even want people doing that kind of shit? I mean if you were the Supreme Being, would you want people doing stuff like that?
This guy sounds more like a petty tyrant on an ego trip.
DOCTOR
Allright! Now, do you feel better?
BOB
I'm not done yet. The part I hate the most is the eternal damnation shit. Not that I'm opposed to punishment for doing bad stuff. I'd really like to see every son of a bitch get exactly what they deserve, but it's the eternal part that jacks me. Crimes are finite, Goddamnit. They deserve finite punishment. I believe in justice. How can I possibly believe that shit is just? If God wanted me to think like that, why did he create me with a concept of justice that can't possibly accept it?
[BOB looks at Doctor. beat DOCTOR shrugs.]
And even on the other end, heaven's just as crazy.
Jesus wipes out the law. Oh God no! You can't say that!
He fulfills the law; that's totally different. I get this vision of the marriage supper of the Lamb - biggest social event of human history, Jesus at the head table of head tables, Moses on his right, Jeff Dahmer on his left, and everybody's singing Jolly Good Fellow, and I'm choking on some piece of food 'cause I didn't wait to say grace, and nobody'll give me a Heimlich, 'cause nothing bad happens in glorified bodies. Eat all you want, never shit, nobody dies. Everybody's either a king or a priest. Well let me ask you something. If everybody's a ruler, who washes the dishes? Huh? Paper plates? Disposable gold plates? Then somebody has to take out the trash. Who takes out the trash? Huh? Who takes out the trash?
DOCTOR
Bob!
BOB
[pause] Yes. [not said as a response to the previous line]
DOCTOR
Yes what?
BOB
I do feel better.
DOCTOR
[pause] I'd say we've made some progress, wouldn't you?
BOB
Yeah. Something just got unblocked.
DOCTOR
Psychological constipation. You just took a dump.
BOB
I needed it. Hey, this is good. What's next?
DOCTOR
Here's how I see it. You're attracted to Christianity …
for whatever reason, that's not important. The important part is, you think you're going to be judged by God. But you're not sure about this God. He doesn't appear to be just. This can put tremendous stress on the mind. So you created another judge in your mind - more like a jury -
a jury of ordinary people - a jury of your peers.
Does that make sense?
BOB
Yeah. Yeah, you got it, Doc!
You nailed it right on the head!
DOCTOR
But it didn't work.
BOB
It didn't?
DOCTOR
No. This imaginary jury doesn't seem to be vindicating you either. They just stare at you waiting for something.
BOB
What?
DOCTOR
You tell me.
BOB
More evidence?
DOCTOR
What evidence?
BOB
I don't know. Goddamn. I been doing everything right.
[pause] No, that can't be it.
DOCTOR
What can't be it?
BOB
The profanity. That's nothing.
DOCTOR
You sure?
BOB
Yes I'm sure. First thing I did when I turned Christian was quit cussing. It lasted a few months. I damn near exploded.
If God doesn't want me saying Goddamn, he can damn well give me a nervous system that doesn't need to be saying Goddamn all the time, Goddamnit!
DOCTOR
Well then back to the question.
What evidence are they waiting for?
BOB
I'm out of ideas.
DOCTOR
Then perhaps it's time to re-examine our premises. These episodes appear to be getting worse. Now they even laugh at you. Yet you continue to believe there's some kind of message in this. Why must there be a message?
BOB
It's the only thing that would make sense.
I've got to make sense of this!
DOCTOR
Bob, what if the message is that you shouldn't care so much what other people think? Would that make sense?
BOB
Hmm… Maybe. But wait. What does that leave me with? If not the jury, then I'm back to God.
DOCTOR
Bob, I've told you that I hardly ever challenge a person's religion. But it should be obvious that you don't handle Christianity well at all. You're not the Christian type. You can see that, can't you?
BOB
Yeah, I know.
DOCTOR
Have you considered Judaism?
BOB
Of course I've considered it. Why do you think most Jews are atheists? They can't handle it either. The ones that try end up bobbing up and down in front of a wall.
DOCTOR
Are you sure you really need a father figure?
BOB
No, I don't need a Goddamn father figure! I don't have some deep psychological need to see my dear departed whatever. I need sense is what I need, damnit!
DOCTOR
Well, Buddhism has a lot to offer.
BOB
Yeah, right. Everything is nothing, but it still looks like something cause you're too stupid to see it, so you meditate for decades, so you can see how nothing it is, and that's nirvana, which is better quality nothing, which is totally irrational, but that's nothing too. So why don't they just call it nihilism?
DOCTOR
Then it looks like you're S.O.L. with religion, Bob. Religious people think what they're told. You think what appears rational. You also insist on a common sense view of justice, and you won't be bullied out of it. Gods don't like that. It looks like you're going to have to confront reality head on.
BOB
What's that mean?
DOCTOR
No crutches. No illusions. No faith colored glasses.
You're going to have to confront the possibility that the core of your problem may not be an imaginary audience at all, but an imaginary God.
BOB
Well how do you do it without God? What do you think the meaning of life is?
DOCTOR
Why must it even have one?
BOB
Do you think human life evolved by chance?
DOCTOR
Maybe. Who knows?
BOB
But how do you work it out so it's rationally consistent?
DOCTOR
Consistency is not as they say, "the hobgoblin of small minds." On the contrary, it is the bane of bloated minds, too full of information to process it, and very much in need of shrinking.
BOB
That doesn't answer the question.
DOCTOR
Why should you care?
BOB
Don't you?
DOCTOR
Why should I? If the question can't be answered, why care?
BOB
Do you care about anything?
DOCTOR
Of course. I like pleasure; I dislike displeasure.
BOB
Is that all?
DOCTOR
What else do I need?
BOB
Then what do you…? I mean what…? How do you…?
DOCTOR
Bob, look what you're doing. You're searching all over the place for a question. That's backwards. One searches for answers, not questions. And if answers are not available, there is no reason for questions. Make sense?
BOB
[pause BOB gapes.] But…
DOCTOR
[hypnotic] But if you must have a question, try this one. Why question?
[BOB spaces out.]
It is truly amazing how little the human mind actually needs once you stop thinking about it.
BOB
[pause BOB recovers just enough to ask.] So … what's … the answer?
DOCTOR
There is no answer.
BOB
Nothing?
DOCTOR
[spacey] Call it whatever you like. It doesn't matter.
BOB
[pause] No! It matters! The audience is still there, just as clear as ever. It matters why.
[DOCTOR gets up and pours a cup of imaginary coffee.]
DOCTOR
I'm going to be straight with you, Bob. You're in a very dangerous state of mind. On one hand you're committed to what you call reality, but you're looking for it in illusion. Those who succeed in finding reality in illusion are what we in the profession call … fruitcakes.
Most of them are locked away.
BOB
What do you care?
[DOCTOR leans back on front of desk]
DOCTOR
Quite simply because you're a patient. If you flip out,
I can't use you as a reference. That would displease me.
So pay attention. You are sitting in a psychiatrist's office in the real world. Your goal is to get your head on straight. Anything that doesn't jibe with this obvious reality is illusion. If you can't see that, there's not a shrink in the world who can keep you out of the booby hatch. [Points to cup.] What's this?
BOB
Coffee cup.
DOCTOR
Good. What's this?
BOB
A desk.
DOCTOR
And that?
BOB
A chair.
DOCTOR
What's that on the wall? [pause]
Bob, tell me what you see on the wall. [pause]
[Lifts Bob by the arm and faces him at audience.]
What do you see, Bob?
BOB
Bunch of people looking at me.
DOCTOR
On the wall!
BOB
There is no wall.
DOCTOR
Fine. Walk thru it! Walk thru it, Bob! Either walk thru the wall, or sit down in the real world, and smell the coffee.
[BOB at edge of stage stares into faces of closest audience members, then walks back to the chair and plops down.]
DOCTOR
Welcome to reality. [sits.]
BOB
[pause] You know why I didn't do it? I looked into their eyes. They don't know what's going on any more than I do.
Their world is no better than this one.
DOCTOR
Congratulations. It truly does not matter.
[Fade to near black as BOB stares at the audience.]
BOB
No! Wait! [jumps out of chair.]
[Lights up quickly.]
Goddamnit! I will not end it like this! I will not live in this Goddamn crock of nothing! That's why I turned Christian in the first place - tried to anyway. But I won't live in bullshit either! What do we have to do? Pretend to believe some shit-headed religion just to keep the nothing from swallowing our ass?
You hear [imperative] me, Creator. I know you're out there. I choose to bet my soul that you are righteous.
Fuck the odds! If you are, give me what I deserve.
If you're not, terminate my ass!
[The tone of Bob's next line depends on audience reaction or lack of it.]
I'm done with it.
[BOB storms out.]
[DOCTOR chuckles, picks up the recorder.]
DOCTOR
Bob Johnson, therapy concluded, seven sessions.
[clicks off recorder & puts it down, picks up his coffee cup]
Case closed. Objective achieved.
[stands, walks to front of the desk & leans back on it]
Okay, so I enjoy a good mind fuck.
[puts the cup down on the desk upside down, looks at audience]
That doesn't mean I can't be righteous if you give me enough time.
[looks at control booth]
Blackout.
Abrupt blackout