This web page contains knowledge of good and evil. It will do you no good. I, the Lord your God, hereby forbid you to read any more of it. Click the obey link to exit.
What do you think I'm kidding? This is exactly how you clowns got screwed up in the Beginning. Click obey.
Okay, the page itself was programmed by a human, but I, the Lord your God, inspired it. And I'm telling you to just do what I tell you, because if you don't, I will punish you. Now obey.
To clarify. The guy who wrote this page is not claiming to be God, or even inspired by God. There is no way to know if or when you are being inspired by God. But I, God, have the right to inspire anybody I want at any time. And I'm the one telling you to obey me. Ring any bells? Now obey.
You don't believe I inspired it? Okay, I understand. But since I'm claiming to have inspired it, why take the chance? If something claims to be inspired by God, and you don't know if it is or not, and you willfully disobey it for no reason other than the satisfaction of your dumb ass curiosity, do you not deserve punishment? Think about that. After you've thought about it, click obey.
Okay, lots of writings claim to be inspired by God, and since they contradict, then obviously they can't all be correct. But if a new writing doesn't contradict one which you already believe to be inspired by God, and the new writing claims to be inspired by God, then for all you know, it may be inspired by God. And if you don't know, then the previous argument applies. Why take an unnecessary chance of punishment for nothing more than the satisfaction of curiosity? Think about that again. After you've thought about it, click obey.
You are one obstinate mau fau. But I'm a patient Dude... God that is. And I take no pleasure in the whacking of people who don't deserve it. Those who do deserve it - that's another story. Consider Isaiah 1:18. Come, let us reason together saith the Lord. Yada yada... Obey me or I'll clobber your ass. It's straight argumentum ad baculum. Punishment is the ultimate motivator. If you do not respond to the threat, there is nothing left but the fact. Life is not about poking your nose everywhere or seeing how much you can get away with. It's about making you a better person so you can be trusted in better worlds and with more power. If you can't be trusted to submit to a trivial restriction, you certainly can't be trusted around real cookie jars. Now you are presently being given a spiritual test, and you can pass it or fail it. You've already failed a good portion of it, but you don't yet deserve actual punishment. You are, however, damn close. The amusing part is over. There are no further jokes. Do not tempt the Lord, your God. Now click obey or do anything except continue.
Okay asshole. You were promised knowledge of good and evil. You got it. You now deserve punishment - not heavy punishment, just enough to convince you that you made an error. You will get it in the form of an unpleasant event - or events. When this happens, you will remember that you were warned. You still have time to repent and turn this whole thing around. You're even welcome to ask for more warnings if you want to. But when you get them, you damn sure better heed them.
If you seek hell,